HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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