that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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