omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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