I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
