I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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