ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
