My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
