i just had sex bonerless
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
