So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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