i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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