I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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