Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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