On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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