1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think people are normalizing furries
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
