The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
