I am spending my child support on dildos
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
