Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
