dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
