Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize