Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
