my mouth tastes like poor choices
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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