New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize