If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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