my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just want to make out with him forever
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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