all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
