I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
