The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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