hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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