Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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