You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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