I hate all girls vehemently.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
His nipple licking is glorious
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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