my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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