I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
