Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
