I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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