you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
