shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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