so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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