The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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