he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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