i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
