Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize