im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
