She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
