I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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