It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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