you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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