What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
