I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Mom said you looked used
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
