I could have mohawked her pubes.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
