Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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