She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
