cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize