Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
