I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
