hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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