Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
