My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize