The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
