u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize