Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
