I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
