Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
