i think my tv is drunk
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize