i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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