I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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