Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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