I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
