I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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