Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
