you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize