I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
