did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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