2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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