You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
