Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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