I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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