last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
