i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
