my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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