In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
