So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
