he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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