I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
