Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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