Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
