Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize