i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
