I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
