I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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