you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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