you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
