thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
