This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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