Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
