Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
