I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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