Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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