I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
