just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
