I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize