As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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