Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
