They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
